We Are Male & Female – We Are Dualistic

Welcome to my blog, in this blog I’ll be talking to you about male and female acuity (male & female behaviour & thinking) and how this can affect us, plus we’ll look at how in mind-body-spirit circles it’s believed the yin/yang needs to be balanced. 

I recently had a reply to a newsletter that I sent out, the newsletter was about channelling your inner goddess and the response was from a gentleman who found it funny that I’d sent this to a male. To be fair 90% of my mailing list is female & so I was talking to the majority. However, I replied informing them that we are all made of male & female energy, the yin/yang. We live in a dualistic world of good/bad, bitter/sweet etc, with us humans also being dualistic.

I’m sure over the years you’ve heard comments – mostly tongue in cheek such as; He’s getting in touch with his feminine side or Mr Metrosexual. Both of which are probably meant in derogatory ways, when actually we should all be doing this and balancing our male/female aspects. When we look at women who are looking to balance their energies, we have these saying, again they tend to be derogatory: Tomboyish, Butch, Androgynous, Gender-bending, again, often derogatory or meant as a put down.

As a coach, I see how each person has been shaped by their upbringing, their role models, society, media etc, often this can be creating issues or conflicts for people. Here’s why:

Exploring Gender Acuity: Navigating Influence and Balance

In the intricate tapestry of human development, the interplay between gender roles, perception, and environment shapes our identities in profound ways. From childhood to adulthood, the influences surrounding us can deeply impact our sense of self, particularly in how we express our masculinity or femininity. So I wanted to delve into the dynamics of male and female acuity and how they intersect with upbringing and societal expectations.

Gender Dynamics at Home

In many households, gender norms and expectations subtly influence upbringing. Consider a scenario where a girl grows up surrounded by predominantly male figures. In such environments, she might adapt to the prevailing masculine energy, potentially adopting tomboyish traits to fit in or gain acceptance. Similarly, boys raised in predominantly female environments might find themselves gravitating towards feminine characteristics as they seek connection and understanding within their familial context. This isn’t automatically displayed within their sexuality though, however we all know men who are more effeminate and women who are more masculine.

Influence of Perception

Perception plays a pivotal role in shaping our understanding of gender roles. When girls perceive boys as receiving preferential treatment or greater freedom, they may internalise these disparities and consciously or subconsciously reject traditional femininity. Conversely, boys growing up in environments where female traits are celebrated or prioritised may feel more comfortable embracing their feminine side, leading to an imbalanced expression of both masculine and feminine qualities. It may be that they percieve ‘girls get an easier ride’ because they get more love and affection than the boys or that girls don’t get treated so harshly.

Role Models and Their Impact

The presence or absence of positive male or female role models further moulds our perceptions of gender. In households where strong female figures dominate, boys might lack relatable male role models, potentially influencing their development towards a more empathetic and emotionally attuned disposition. Similarly, girls raised without positive male role models may struggle to understand or appreciate masculine traits, leading to a more fluid expression of gender identity.

Striking a Balance: Yin and Yang

In holistic circles, the concept of yin and yang symbolises the complementary nature of masculine and feminine energies. It’s believed that achieving harmony between these opposing forces is essential for overall well-being. In the context of gender acuity, this balance becomes crucial for personal growth and fulfilment.

In Reiki we look at the Governing Channel & the Functional Channel, these represent the male & female aspects within us & by connecting the two aspects, we establish the balance between the two. If you think of the Yin & Yang symbol (the two teardrops, each with a spot within them to represent their opposite), this shows us that in the male there is female, in the female there is male, it is essential to have both.

Impact

As a coach I work with people who have all kinds of problems, especially health issues, these are all rooted in the past, whether that is literally a past life, the womb, childhood, teenage or adult years. Let me share a couple of case studies to show you what I mean. I have the clilent’s permission and I’ve changed details to help provide anonymity:

Case Study #1 – Roland

Roland had a father who had alcohol issues and was physically abusive to his mother and his siblings. Roland vowed he’d never be like his father. Roland’s decision meant that his subconscious stored this decision & acted on it for the rest of his life. Roland became much more feminine in his behaviour and his thought processes, he wasn’t gay, but he could come across as effeminate. Roland struggled to identify with ‘masculine men’ because he didn’t want to be like his father, he didn’t resonate with the gay community because he wasn’t gay. In relationships, Roland was unable to be the sterotypical ‘strong, provider & authority figure’ so his relationships were messy. Working with Roland meant that we needed to rebalance his views of masculine & feminine, this wasn’t about right or wrong, it was about what was right or wrong for Roland. If something is causing you issues then it’s not right for you.

Case Study #2 – Charlotte (Charlie)

Charlie decided to go with the masculine diminutive which was interesting based on her background. Charlie had a great family, she grew up feeling loved by both parents and her four brothers. As the baby in the family Charlie had plenty of people to look out for her growing up, however therein lies the issue!

Charlie found her parents were overprotective, often only being allowed to do stuff if her brothers were with her. Her brothers appeared to have way more freedom than her & although she felt loved, she felt that girls were 2nd class citizens, she couldn’t understand why they could do things yet she wasn’t allowed or why she was told ‘you’re not a boy’ or ‘if you were a boy you could XYZ’.

Charlie subconsciously decided that ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’! Throughout Charlie’s childhood, from the moment she could decide what she would wear, she was a tomboy. She had pigtails but avoided any feminine frivolity. She wanted to do what her brother were doing, climbing trees, being out on her bike with them, playing games such as cowboys and Indians or Star Wars.

Once she got to college, Charlie cut her hair short, saying it was easier to maintain. She’d also chosen a subject to study that was very male oriented, so it was shaping her life, her appearance & her career. Charlie always felt she had to do more than the guys to get respect, recognition & to feel worthy in the eyes of her family. She had to prove that whatever the boys could do, she could do equally or better!

Charlie had crippling periods which she hated, it made her feel like a ‘weak female’. Charlie had PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome). Because of this condition, Charlie was told that being able to be a mother was unlikely if not impossible which devastated her.

Charlie did a lot of work on her beliefs about women and her place in the family, her parents were unaware of the fact that they’d given the impression that boys could do what they wanted & that it was a weakness to be female etc. In fact, the family were just being protective because she was the youngest & they were used to raising boys. Also by the time Charlie came along, they’d only got experience of raising boys and didn’t know how to raise a girl!

The good news is that Charlie balanced out her energy, she dealt with the beliefs that boys got all the breaks and girls were 2nd class citizens which allowed her PCOS to go (this was just her body reminding her she was female). Charlie now dresses somewhat more feminine but is simply not a frills, lace and pink kind of girl!

Interestingly, her career path has involved working to change how women view this sector and how men treat female colleagues, so it’s all part of the same big puzzle.

Past Lives & Acuity

Remember that we’ve had many lives, these may have been heavily skewed towards one sex and if you’ve had loads of lives as male or female, then in this life you may feel like you identify more with that sex. Since our soul is dualistic & needs to have equal experience of being male & female we do need to balance that out through our various lives. I also believe that if we are born after maybe a series of lives where we felt persecuted, unsafe etc as one sex we may feel repelled from that sex as we did not have positive experiences. Certainly in some societies women have had a tough ride, there are also societies or cultures where men have had a terrible time too. Can you see how these affect us? I hope so.

Conclusion

Male and female acuity, influenced by upbringing, perception, past lives and role models, profoundly shapes our understanding of gender roles. We need to ensure that the way we perceive the world isn’t deleterious to our health & behaviour. By recognising the interconnectedness of yin and yang within ourselves, we pave the way for personal growth, authenticity, and collective understanding. Both sexes need to be a happy balance of both energies.

Also there are male and female traits; caring & nurturing are seen as female traits, whereas providing & protecting are seen as male traits, that doesn’t mean we can’t do those things, and if you are on your own, you have no choice but to do both for yourself. If you are having those behaviours and they’re causing a problem in your relationship, maybe because you’re displaying all the male attributes which means your partner can’t express those aspects then it is an issue and vice-versa.

If you feel that your male & female aspects are imbalanced or blocked and you need help to unblock them or rebalance them, you can work with me on a 1-2-1 basis or I offer a workshop ‘Inner Child; Healing Inside & Out’. If you want to work with me, schedule a free Discovery Call here. 

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