We all know the football season can get intense thanks to devout team loyalty and spirited rivalries. But it seems that whisky brand Fireball is taking it to the extreme. Though its flagship spirit is known for its cinnamon-forward profile, Fireball is adding another ingredient to the mix for a new limited-edition release: tears taken from heartbroken football fans.
You read that right. Fireball’s new product, aptly named “Crierball,” will be distilled with human tears.
“In football, few things — aside from Fireball, of course — are better than the sweet taste of victory, especially when that W comes at the expense of your biggest rivals,” global brand director for Fireball, Danny Suich, says in a press release. “Our brand is all about embracing that competitive spirit, but amping it up with a little more spice. We’re on a mission to capture the soul of rivalries — aka the tears of losers — at this season’s biggest games.”
How exactly does Fireball plan to capture the tears of the defeated? According to the brand, Fireball will show up at the most highly anticipated NFL and collegiate rivalry games of the 2024-2025 season. Members of the brand’s team will be stationed outside the stadium after the games, dressed in red Fireball Tear Collector uniforms, asking distraught fans to donate their tears.
Here are the rivalry games where Fireball will be stationed for tear collection:
- November 2: Florida Gators vs. Georgia Bulldogs in Athens, Ga.
- November 10: Philadelphia Eagles vs. Dallas Cowboys in Dallas, Texas
- November 17: Green Bay Packers vs. Chicago Bears in Chicago, Ill.
- November 17: Baltimore Ravens vs. Pittsburgh Steelers in Pittsburgh, Pa.
- November 30: Auburn Tigers vs. Alabama Crimson Tide in Tuscaloosa, Ala.
- November 30: Michigan Wolverines vs. Ohio State Buckeyes in Columbus, Ohio
While this launch sounds like a bonafide biohazard, Fireball claims it has a plan to make sure the whisky is safe to consume.
“We expect the tears we capture will undergo a meticulous, months-long process of sterilization and distillation before ultimately becoming Crierball,” Suich notes. “Our plan is to have this salty-cinnamon innovation ready for next football season so the victorious can hold last season’s triumph over their rivals’ heads for just a little bit longer.”
We’re not sure if Fireball will be able to collect as many tears as it hopes — we doubt distressed football fans will be willing to stop and spend time trying to donate a tear. But if we’re lucky, we could all be taking shots of slightly salty, cinnamon-flavored whisky by next season.
The article This New Fireball Whisky Is Made with Human Tears appeared first on VinePair.
