Las Vegas offers dozens of ways to regret losing your money in each and every casino. This is a warning about some of the most popular nongambling ways. We’ve tried, and thoroughly regretted, all of these “must do” experiences, hopefully so you don’t have to.
Indoor Gondola Ride
If your notion of romance is sharing a 10-13 minute float through a shopping center in a manmade pond with one or more strangers, then by all means, ignore our advice. (If you don’t have at least four people in your party, other passengers will be seated with you — unless you spring $156 for a private ride for two.)
Wait, it gets worse…
Your gondolier will sing — loudly and in Italian — whether you want him to or not. This will draw unwanted attention to your awkward predicament, causing at least one group of tourists inside the Venetian to video you and post the clip to social media.
If you must ignore our advice, at least opt for the outdoor ride, where you can see the Strip. It’s available, for the same prices, at the Doge’s Place replica outside the resort — weather and lack of F1 races permitting.
Las Vegas Sign Photo
Not only is this concept the polar opposite of original, accomplishing it can take half an hour to park (if all three dozen spaces near the sign are taken). And it can cost you $10, and up to an hour more of your time, waiting in line for the official Las Vegas Sign photographer to snap your photo.
If you do insist on going because of the FOMO, however, know that there is no official Las Vegas Sign photographer. That’s just a scam artist. What you should do is identify a nice couple in line, ask them to take your photo from an angle off to one side of the sign, and then return the favor for your new friends.
Fat Tuesday’s “Yard Drinks”
Sugar and alcohol aren’t the wisest mix in small quantities. But drinking 100 frozen ounces of a “Cat 5 Hurricane” (Bacardi and fruit punch) or a “190 Octane” (grain alcohol and orange punch) is one of the stupidest things you can do in Las Vegas if you don’t want to be passed out before your evening begins.
These drinks, available at 16 Fat Tuesday locations throughout the Strip, are a recipe for dehydration, uncontrollable blood sugar spikes, and a guaranteed headbanging hangover the next morning, when you’ll also wake up 2-3 pounds heavier.
Vending Machine Cake
Available at most Caesars Entertainment properties, these Carlo’s Bake Shop vending machines, also known as “cake ATMs,” promise Rainbow, Red Velvet, Chocolate Fudge, or Carrot Cake slices “made fresh and delivered daily.”
According to this video from TikTok influencer Vegas Starfish, however, the $10 slices “come in cardboard boxes, frozen from a Jersey warehouse, where they’ve sat for weeks.” In addition, the slices are soaked in corn syrup to make them appear moist.
Madam Tussaud’s Wax Museum Visit
These are just wax figures. You understand that, right? And the celebs and historical figures will look like wax figures — shiny and not quite right — in all the photos you take that won’t fool a single one of your friends, because most of them regret spending time here, too, and they recognize the cheesy backdrops.
If it were free, it would just about be worth it. But this experience, located outside the Venetian, runs $30-$40 per person.
Pawn Stars Shop Visit
Up to 5,000 tourists a day visit the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop, downtown at 713 Las Vegas Blvd.. Many clutch family heirlooms and dreams of appearing on the History Channel’s “Pawn Stars” series as a customer — or at least of catching a glimpse of one of its stars.
But no members of the show’s cast work at the pawn shop anymore. None have since after the first season premiered in 2009.
What “Pawn Stars” never mentions on the show is that it now shoots on a secret set. A replica of the store, only smaller, is hidden inside the second floor of the same building and is inaccessible to the public.
Seven Magic Mountains Visit
These are just colored boulders stacked atop each other. They are designed to be viewed from the I-15 freeway. The experience isn’t enhanced up close, and climbing on the rocks could cost you a fine from the Nevada Highway Patrol, as well as restitution for any damage you cause.
The art installation is also located a 15-minute drive from the nearest freeway exit, delaying your Vegas arrival by a full half hour.
Did we skip your most regrettable Las Vegas experience? Leave it in the comments!
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